Regrets and a Crib Review

Lately, I've been thinking about regrets.

I would love to say that I'm an "in the moment" kind of person; and while that's true with some things (I do tend to be rather impulsive), I also harbor things that I shouldn't. 

For example, regrets.

Some things may seem silly to most people. For example, I have a list of regrets that I have that are sure to be completely meaningless to most of you.

Here's the only picture I could find of the crib JC and I shared. He was a week old in this picture. (It doesn't seem possible that he was that small!)

That's one of my regrets: not keeping this crib.  When Babies R Us offered a 20% coupon to trade in old cribs, I jumped on it. I traded in the crib that my beloved Grandaddy painstakingly assembled for me (I have pictures to prove it); the very same crib that JC slept in for his first year and 10 months. I wanted a newer "safer" crib for Myra. In truth, the crib she has now is even less safe than that one. Sure, it's more modern. It turns into a toddler bed then a full sized bed. It doesn't have the drop side (which is supposed to be a safety hazard). 

But...

It's a pain in the rear. 

Here's a semi-okay picture of Myra's crib. (Ignore the messed up ruffles on the crib skirt. I had just dusted the crib that morning and didn't fluff them back like they were. Oh, and as for the blanket on the side of the crib? Well, I was putting laundry away. Plus, she was all of a week old (look how big JC is!) and not exactly moving around to knock it down.) 

Now for my complaint about this crib. My mom and Granny worked for HOURS making her crib skirt. HOURS. Days, days, and days. You can see three ruffles here: a blue damask print, a pink geometric print, and about an inch of a green floral motif. However, there were two more layers of the crib skirt that you can't see: a solid blue textured fabric and the Love Bird Damask print shown below. 

{Love Bird Damask fabric $10/yd. Image from babybedding.com}

All of that painstakingly hard work, and you barely get to see any of it! The worst part is that this is with the crib raised up all the way; this is as much as you will ever see. This, ladies and gents, is as good as it gets. 

Which brings me to my next complaint about this crib.  What I thought I would love about it has turned out to be the thing I hate the most: the lowered front. If you notice, it scoops down in the front center so that it is easier to get the new baby in and out without waking her/him. 

{Sorelle Verona Lifetime Crib from www.babiesrus.com}

Here's what I didn't consider. They're just a few rookie mistakes that a first-time mom would have made, but a 2nd timer should have known better. It pains me that I didn't. See, during the first few months, Myra didn't sleep in her crib. Truthfully, she didn't sleep anywhere. But, what few hours of sleep she did get were spent in a pack-and-play in our room. She only slept in her crib with the mattress raised all the way to the top for a few months. Once she became large enough to sit up on her own, the lowest point of the crib came to her armpits. She very easily could have fallen out of the crib. We moved it to the middle level (it should be noted that it is very easy to raise and lower the crib; but not as easy as it was with the old one. While my old crib had no less than 10 different heights, this one only has 3), and tried it out. It would have worked, but as she was already starting to pull herself up (at 7 months), I didn't want to have to go through the trouble of removing the mattress, monitor (we have the Angel Care monitor and it has a motion detector that rests between the mattress and the springs), and crib skirt again. So, I went ahead and lowered it as far as it would go.  

JC NEVER climbed out of his crib. And the boy could climb. He climbed on everything. EVERYTHING. But he never climbed out of his crib. I can already tell you that Myra will climb out of this one. It's just too easy. Even now, at 8 months, when she stands (with the crib at the lowest setting), her entire head and almost all of her neck is visible over the top. She frequently stands and rests her chin on the crib where the front "scoops" down. 

Which brings me to my main point: In life, sometimes we are fooled by flashy things. We are tricked by our sinful natures to want newer. Shinier. Better. More. Please understand that I'm not saying wanting more is a sin. It's not. But, constantly wanting more than you have and not being happy with what you have is a sin. 

See, Patrick and I have spent a great deal of the last 10 years arguing about this. I have always been a "look ahead for the future" type, while Patrick has always preferred to live in the present and be happy with his life, exactly where he is at that moment. It used to drive me crazy. Truthfully, it still does.

But, I am beginning to see that my way isn't the right way. There, I said it. I am wrong. Patrick is right. Mark your calendars; it will probably be a while before you read that one again!

Anyway, God wants us to be content. 

He wants us to appreciate all that we have; whether it be little or much.

Hebrews 13:5 says, "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (ESV).

Matthew 6:31-33 reads, "Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (ESV). 

There are numerous other examples from scripture that points to God's desire for us to find contentment in what we have. 

But what about the difference between not being content and having dreams? Is there anything wrong with wanting more? This has been the crux of our problem: I constantly want more. 

I don't want to make it sound like Patrick doesn't have dreams. He does. They involve being healthy, happy, and debt free, having a slightly larger house on a farm (preferably with a huge front porch and a big yard, but those are negotiable for him), and having things set up so that he and JC can farm together full-time after JC graduates from college (if that's what JC wants to do). Otherwise, Patrick doesn't really want for much. He's content in his place in life. He loves his family; he has a heart for Jesus. He doesn't get caught up in fads or appearances. He sees nothing wrong with wearing a t-shirt and jeans everywhere he goes. He's simple. I don't mean that in a bad way; I hope you understand that. But, he is simple. He wants what he has and is grateful for it. It's a quality that he and Pa shared, and I think it's what makes them better people than most of the rest of us; they get it. Life isn't about your stuff, it's about your relationships. It's about your love for each other and your love for God.

Meanwhile, I'm over here dreaming big dreams. I want the farm. I want the house on it. But, I have a specific house picked out. I have finishing details down to the wainscoting and the light fixtures. In my dream, the porch ceiling is painted Haint Blue, the driveway is lined with hundred-year-old Oak trees, and the bathrooms all have claw-foot tubs laid on pristine white hexagon tiles. The interior boasts antique  store finds covered in Annie Sloan Chalk Paint mixed with family heirlooms and overstuffed leather couches from Restoration Hardware. The farmhouse table has room for a dozen people and every seat is filled on the weekends because I will make mouth-watering feasts that put the Pioneer Woman to shame. In my dream, our children are dressed in boutique clothing and their gigantic playroom is in a perpetual state of organization; not a toy is out of place unless it is currently being used.

In my dream, every day is a great hair day. My children are always happy and perfectly behaved. Strangers remark about their politeness and intelligence. Women ask me about my clothing and accessories; they all ask me to be their shopping companion. My vehicle is new and perfectly polished, as are my nails. I always look "put together" and no one would ever say, "Oh, bless her heart," in reference to me.

In my dream, life is perfect.

It's scripted.

It's not at all like the real world where people are flawed and broken. 

See, while Patrick's dream is simple in his visions of us being together and happy, I have visions of grandeur. I want things to be picture-perfect and I hold everyone around me to my impossibly high standards. Actually, I don't even hold them to MY high standards; I hold them to everyone else's high standards. I let other people judge me and I value myself based on their judgments.

I am constantly worried about what others will think of me. Of my kids. Of my husband. Of my house. Of my stuff.

I look at what is stylish and trendy and I want it. Now. I'm like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. 

{Julie Dawn Cole as Veruca Salt. Image from imdb.com}

I want it all, and I want it now! 

This brings me full circle (are you still following?) to my main point.

Regret. 

I regret being so fixed on what other people will think of me. 

I regret being swayed by the shiner, newer, brighter, better, fancier, prettier, faster, pricier, next big things in life. 

I regret not stopping to appreciate the things that matter.

I regret letting myself be caught up in what other people think of me.

I regret not spending more time focused on what The One who matters thinks of me.

Because if I spent more time focused on what He thinks, I might become comfortable enough in myself to stop caring so much what everyone else thinks.

I might stop dying of embarrassment because my 3 year old had a meltdown while in public.

I might stop feeling like everyone was judging my parenting skills because my 8 month old still isn't sleeping through the night and it shows in every line etched on my face.

If I spent more time focused on being content in my life right now, I might not worry about the fact that my house isn't perfect. I would go ahead and entertain despite its flaws; I would live in it and enjoy this time in my life.

So, while to you, it may only seem like a crib, to me, it's so much more than that, and it will always be on my list of regrets.