As I'm typing this, I'm singing old school Barenaked Ladies.
Tell me I'm not alone. Please. Anyone?
Oh. Okay. In that case.
Awkward silence it is.
And crickets. Because that somehow seems worse than awkward silence.
Moooooooving On.
(At least if any former students read my blog, they'll get that one. What's that, you say? My former students are too cool for my blog? Hmm...and again, we have crickets.)
Anyway, As part of my Get My Act Together New Year's Plan (because, I don't do resolutions, remember?), I've committed to saying, "NO WAY JOSE!" to credit cards.
Why is it that suddenly, when you can't have something, it's ALL you can think about? I mean ALL. I. CAN. THINK. ABOUT.
In the last 20 days, I have thought of dozens HUNDREDS of things I want NEED.
From a new car-seat for JC to three dozen Silpada necklaces and bracelets, I am having a hard time saying, "No!"
The first few days of the new year, I was cool about it. It went something like this:
Me: Patrick, you know what would be great?
Patrick: [with a deer-in-the-headlights panicked expression because he knows that this sort of probing question NEVER goes anywhere good, and he tentatively asks] What?
Me: It would be so great if we could get out of debt so I could buy a new-to-me car. If we didn't have those payments, we could save for a year and buy a really nice vehicle with enough room for all 4 of us and the junk we seem to take everywhere.
Patrick: Yea. That would be nice.
Soon (and by soon, I mean by January 5th), the dialogue went more like this:
Me: Patrick?
Patrick: [looks up from his Cat's Pause with slight annoyance in his eyes because he knows where this is going] Yes?
Me: I wish we had money.
Patrick: [laughing at the irony that if it weren't for me, we WOULD probably have money. Not Bill Gates money, but money.] So do I.
Me: If we had money, I would buy this sweater [holds up her MacBook Pro this item].
Patrick: If you hadn't bought the other 150 sweaters that you never wear, you would probably be able to buy that one.
Now, we're just in a whole different level of wishful thinking.
Me: Patrick, I want this.
Patrick: [no longer bothers to look up from his intriguing game of Bubble Blaster as he replies] We don't have money for it.
Me: [makes pouty face that worked for the majority of my life but seems to be useless when used to get what I want now]
So, since he no longer wants to listen to me, I thought I'd share a few of the items that I would buy, "If I had a million dollars." You know, in case anyone reading this little old blog has a million dollars. In which case, I'd love to be your personal shopper. Let me live vicariously through you. PLEASE!
1. Stetson Hand Burnished Ficcini Riding Boots in brown.
{image from Shelpers.com}
2. Vintage Stud Shoulder Bag from The Frye Company.
{image from sterlingleather.com}
It's no secret that I am beyond obsessed with The Frye Company. When I was in college, I used to pine over a pair of boots that my Grandaddy promised to buy me when I graduated college. Since he passed away before that happened, Patrick bought me a pair this summer. Could we afford them? No. Not at all. Were they a stupid tax purchase? Yup. But I wear them ALL the time (like every time I leave the house), and they will be in my closet for the next 20+ years. And, they make me think of my beloved Grandaddy, how much he believed in me, and how much my husband loves and supports me. Not only all of that, but they're AMAZING quality. I can only imagine that the bag is the same type of product. I would love to add this to my closet. I might even be willing to trade a few of my beloved Coach handbags for it!
3. Elgar Cowl Neck Sweater from All Saints (featured in Oxblood)
{image from us.allsaints.com}
I live in sweaters in the winter. I'm not much on sweatshirts (although, now that I'm home most days, I am ashamed to admit that yoga pants and a hoodie have been my uniform of choice more days than not), especially out in public. I just never feel put together when wearing one. Sweaters take the same effort and are just as comfortable, yet they look so much crisper. I love this sweater in emerald. It's the color I would pick, but the oxblood is gorgeous, too.
{image from bananarepublic.gap.com}
Banana Republic has the BEST denim. Period. I've gone back and forth between jeans from there and J.Crew for years. For skinny jeans, you can't beat the Matchstick (see below) from J.Crew. But, for everything else, BR is the place to go. Especially for trouser jeans. And, now that I'm eating healthier, my pants are a little big. Actually, my pants are falling off. I plan to lose more weight (my goal is another 15-20 lb.), so I don't want to spend $90 on jeans that I will only be able to wear for hopefully 3 or 4 months. But, if I had a million dollars, I'd buy them in dark indigo and white.
5. Gene Silk Scarf from Club Monaco.
{image from clubmonaco.com}
I once heard Kelly Monaco (Sam McCall-Morgan on GH, and Season 1 Winner of DWTS) say that her favorite store was Club Monaco, and that she frequently wears/wore the brand on the show. I adore Sam's style, but being from the sticks, I had never heard of the store. I turned to Google. At the time, they didn't have online shopping, just a "look-book" style website similar to h&m (seriously? WHEN?!?). I may or may not have planned our very first weekend get-away as husband and wife around a trip to this store. Ahem. Anyway, now they offer online shopping and have helped the Man in Brown stay employed (too bad more of my shopping endeavors haven't helped the USPS since it pays the bills around here!). But, that was before I gave up shopping. Anyway, I love scarves (mainly because no matter how much weight I gain/lose, it always fits) and am always looking to add gorgeous prints to my collection. This one wouldn't disappoint.
6. Crafted Dinnerware in Ice Blue from West Elm
{image from westelm.com}
I have all white plates. All of our serving dishes are also white. I picked it because it's timeless and classic and will never go out of style. I didn't want to have "formal" place settings because I know that we're not formal people so they would very rarely be used. So, our "fancy" dishes are also our "everyday" dishes. However, I'd like to have the option to mix it up from time to time while still coordinating with what we have. I've been looking for the last few years without any luck. But wouldn't you know that just before Christmas (when I had already sworn to say goodbye to credit cards as soon as Christmas was over), I would find these? At $256 for 8 place settings, they're quite a steal. They're just not in my budget while we tackle the debt snowball. It doesn't matter anyway since they're backordered until May. Maybe I can hit Patrick up for them for an anniversary (May 12)/Mother's Day present?
And these are just a few of the things that I could think of off the top of my head. There are about 15 outfits that I have saved on my shopping board on Pinterest, not to mention all of the things I've got on my shopping list for Patrick, JC, or Myra.
This get out of debt journey is HARD. I'm not going to lie: it's a lot more difficult to get OUT of debt than it was to get INTO debt. But, I know that we're making huge progress towards achieving greatness for our family. It may be hard now, but I will be so grateful when we're no longer letting our money control us.
Today, we started a new Growth Group class at church. It's all about Biblical finance and is exactly what we needed (funny how that works, huh?). And by we, I hope you know that I mean me. It's exactly what I needed. Because Patrick doesn't have a spending problem. Patrick never buys anything for himself. Ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day, and we're not going to clean up a mess that took me 5 years to make in a month. But, we will get it cleaned up, and we will NEVER go back. Period.
I actually didn't learn anything new in class today; I'm a Dave Ramsey junkie. I listen to his show, have all of the books, and quote him on a daily basis. Ironic considering I have zero skills at handling my own finances. I can walk you through investing and know the baby steps as well as I know my own kids. But, I've never applied them to my own life because I haven't admitted that I have a problem. In my mind, it was always under control and I could stop it at any time. Spoken like a true addict, huh?
Anyway, the one thing that I heard that stuck with me (because I had our worksheet filled out before we even started the Dave video), was that to get out of debt, you have to become content with what you have and stop wanting more. I didn't really pay attention to it in class; I just filed it away for later. Later came on the car ride home.
Patrick and I were discussing the class and the church service, and I started thinking about that one statement. It's so true. It's always been true for me. I buy things that I don't need and can't afford because I think that they will make me happy. No, that's not even true. I buy them because I think they will change the way others see me. Somewhere along the way, I pinned my self-worth to stuff. I decided that I wasn't worthy of being liked/loved based on who I am, but rather what I have or don't have. I am creative, caring, talented, fun, hard-working, honest, loyal, smarter than a 4th grader (but not a 5th grader--those questions are hard!), and a great friend. I'm a wonderful mom. I'm a good wife. I shouldn't base my opinion of myself on my stuff. Because once I really thought about it, I realized that the people in my life who truly matter don't value their opinions of me on my stuff. They see me.
This is how I know that this time it will be different. That's how I know that, while I would love to have all of the items I mentioned earlier in this post, I won't buy any of them. I finally get it; my worth isn't worth going into debt for more stuff. It's not going to make me a better person. Having a new pair of boots won't magically make me a better hostess, nor will that gorgeous purse make me better organized. However, it will add stress to my life each day as I go to the mailbox. It will strain my marriage and my relationship with my kids.
So, for now, I'll go on wanting those things. Maybe I'll have them someday; maybe not. Either way, I'm good.
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