Burning the Plow

Yesterday changed my life.

Literally.

Metaphorically.

Spiritually.

It changed my life.

It changed my marriage.

It changed my children's futures.

It changed me.

Yesterday started off as a bad day.  Not an awful day, just a bad day.  I overslept. Myra didn't sleep the night before (for what feels like the gazillionth night in a row), and I hit snooze. A few times too many. This left me with frizzy hair.

Call me crazy, but I can tell you what kind of day I will have based on my hair.

Yup.

Crazy.

See, my confidence level is directly linked to my hair. If it's straight (and the humidity is at least 0%), I will have a super day.  If it's curly, there's a 20% chance that it will be an okay day.

The outfit I wanted to wear wasn't working. Picking something else cost me at least 10 minutes.

I couldn't find JC's shoes.

We had to load JC's old bed before leaving because we were going straight to Scottsville after church and trading his bed here with the (smaller) bed from his room at my parents' house.

We were late.

Ironically, we made it to church just before it started. I mean just before.

Patrick went with JC to the children's church, leaving me all alone with Myra. Which would be fine, but Myra (who was in a full-on prayer pose during every ultrasound we had) hates sitting still through church.

And it doesn't matter when her nap is or what time she eats, she's going to be fussy.  The sun rises in the east, it always rains within 3 days of July 4th, and Myra gets fussy during church.

I have spent more time in the cry room than I have in the sanctuary, but that's a different story.

Have I mentioned how much we LOVE LOVE LOVE our church?  We're fairly new; only 6 months, but we love our church. We love our pastor. He has changed our lives.

Anyway.

As I sat with Myra in the cry room, hooked on every word he said, feeling like he was talking to me, I began to fight internally.

I began to have a full-on argument with myself. True Lorelai Gilmore style.

I was hearing a million different voices in my head ranging from Dave Ramsey's infinite knowledge to the all too helpful sales girl at J.Crew.

I heard the voice of reason and the voice of me arguing about pillow covers from Pottery Barn.

I felt the panic as it tightened in my chest, suffocating me.

I saw into my future as JC and Myra had to do without things that they wanted. Things that they NEEDED because of me.

Because of my mistakes.

Because of my greed.

All the while, I'm sitting in the cry room listening to our wonderful Pastor Nick talk about Elisha and Elijah.

"'Let me kiss my father and mother goodbye, and then I will come with you.' He's not having second thoughts. He's not saying, 'I don't know if this is worth it. Let me sit back and think about this for a couple of minutes.' He knows what this calling is going to do for his life. He has to leave everything behind and go in a completely different direction." (Paraphrased from my mental notes of the sermon. Keep in mind that I am a note-taking-feind. I write down EVERYTHING. In school, I was the girl whose notes you wanted to borrow. But, keep in mind that I was taking mental notes while holding a very squirmy 7 month old and arguing with myself. Multi-tasking and what not. Just throwing that out there for you.)

Do you know the story?

No?

Well, read it. 1 Kings 19:19-21

Pastor Nick went on to say that many of us don't understand salvation, and what it really is when they get it. We get the God part; we understand the, "Jesus, come into my heart and forgive me" part, but we don't pay attention to the letting go of EVERYTHING else part.

Like the song, "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus."

"The world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back."

Kiss it goodbye.

Kiss the world goodbye.

See, we want to walk with Jesus.

We want to walk with Him so that we can go to heaven.

But for many of us, that's where it stops.

Guess what?

That isn't enough.

IT ISN'T ENOUGH!

See, by just letting Jesus offer you salvation, you're basically telling Him that you love him, but not enough to let go of all of the stuff.

You're saying that you have a back-up plan.

You know, just in case it doesn't pan out the way you wanted.

By hanging on to all of the crap, by hanging on to the junk and the materialism (or whatever it is that you're holding onto), you're essentially saying that you don't have enough trust in Him to provide.

You don't have enough trust that He who GAVE YOU LIFE...

...that He who LET HIS SON DIE on the cross FOR YOU...

...will provide for you.

Wow.

By hanging on to the TV shows, the friends, the credit cards, and anything else that is keeping you from being able to completely shift your entire purpose in an instant for GOD, you're not actually able to follow.

You're telling Him that His only purpose in your life is to safeguard you against Hell. Kind of like an insurance policy. 

The Bible calls us to be IN the world, and not OF the world. (1 John 2:15-17; Romans 12:2)

The Bible calls us to be righteous. (1 John 2:29)

The Bible calls us to do EVERYTHING for GOD. (Colossians 3:17; 1 Corinthians 10:30)

We're called to do more.

to BE more.

Do you watch HIMYM? Remember the episode "Spoiler Alert" with the glass shattering (featuring Lindsay Price)?  I heard glass shattering as I realized that the words applied to me.

Directly. To. Me. 

"So Elisha left him and went back. He took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the plowing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, and they ate.  Then, he set out to follow Elijah and became his servant." (1 Kings 19:21)

Wow.

Talk about no turning back.

Elisha had so. Much. Faith.

Could you?

Would you?

Could I?

Would I?

Credit cards.

See, I think that it's the moments where you admit that you don't know what His plan for your life is.

Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has BIG plans.

We know that He does.

But we don't always know what they are.

Does it matter?

Should it matter whether or not we know His plans? Shouldn't we have enough faith that His plans are the right plans?

Being able to look at Him and say, "I'm yours. I've burnt it all. I have NOTHING to go back to."

That's when you get the greater.

That's when you go from good or okay to GREAT.

How many things in your life are just going good?  Do you want great?

Most of us don't ever get to greater because we are content at good enough.

I'm guilty.

I'm also guilty of only seeing the right now. I know about the big plans.

I have hopes and dreams and goals.

But sometimes, it's so much easier to just focus on the right-this-instance-and-what-I-want-right-now than it is to look ahead.

To say, "I want more."

What are your plows?

I've already said mine: credit cards.

Shopping.

Money.

So, yesterday, I decided to let it all go.

I decided to burn the plow.

I went to the altar and I prayed.

I prayed that I would be strong enough to say no.

God has something greater for ME.

God has something greater for my FAMILY.

God has something greater for my CHILDREN.

I just have to be willing to burn the plow.

So, here I am today; one day post glass-shattering revelations about my life.

I am so tempted. Isn't it scary how the devil works? It's not even been a whole day and I'm tempted.

I have about $400 sitting in the virtual shopping cart at Pottery Barn Kids. I logged on to buy it last night (stuff for JC's room that is being re-done). Then I remembered; I burned the plow.

I burned the plow.

No more.

Done.

Goodbye.

2013 isn't going to be the year that we get out of debt.

But, 2013 is going to be the year that I stop this stupid cycle.

2013 is the year that I finally let go of my own materialistic desires for my life and I start to focus on God's plan.

This is the year that I go for greater.

Won't you join me?

What plow do you need to burn?

It's a freeing feeling. Let me tell you.

Don't believe me?

Burn it!

God is calling us all to something greater.

Will you listen? 

Will you answer His call?

Go. 

Burn the plow.


***If you live in the area and don't have a church, check out mine. I'd love to see you there!